Daydreaming, zoning out, spacing out. Although it happens to everybody at times, it’s a benchmark symptom of ADHD. It’s all too easy to loose focus, especially if the situation at hand is routine or boring. What’s going in our heads is so much more interesting that what is going on elsewhere.

If your mind goes wandering because you decide to escape a situation that bores your pants off, e.g. a dull speech, this is all fine. Have a wonderful trip in your own fancy world of unicorns or pirate ships or both. But here’s the catch: ADHDers often mindwander in situations when they are in fact supposed to pay attention. Opposed to the first example, this unconscious drifting off escapes our control. Only when somebody or something startles us out of our daydream do we realise that we just missed fifteen minutes of important information. Sure, this happens to all people because nobody likes to be bored. But it happens significantly more often with ADHDers.

This happens because we are understimulated, literally bored out of our minds. The information we should be listening to is no nourishment for our ever-active creativity and too-fast brains. In situations when we’re not allowed to keep our nervous system activated by stimming, our brain simply shuts down and goes in stand-by a.k.a. dreaming.

Another catch: Zoning out doesn’t always lead to fairy land, instead it can bring all sorts of negative emotions and stress. Trying to figure out difficult social situations before they even happen, trying to find solutions to real or imagined problems, that’s all part of overthinking. ND peeps have a habit of overthinking everything, all the time. This links to RSD because we are anxious to get everything right so people don’t get mad at us. We also tend to play out social situations ahead of time because we’re socially awkward and again, want to get everything right.

So, where does dissociation come into all of this?

Daydreaming is a mild form of dissociation. The term covers a broad range of phenomena in many different states of consciousness, including positive examples like mediation. On the pathological range of the dissociative spectrum there are numerous disorders. Some can be mistaken for daydreaming because they look simliar from the outside. Let’s have a closer look: Everybody knows what daydreaming feels like but you only know what a dissociative disorder feels like if you experienced it yourself. It occurs in neurotypicals (a.k.a. “normal” people), often provoked by massive stress, trauma, or brain damage. But most often simply by lack of sleep. But it’s also a very common co-morbidity of ADHD.

It’s very important to differentiate between daydreaming and dissociative disorder. Mindwandering can be initiated on purpose. And even if it’s not, we can snap out of it at any time even if it’s unpleasant. The disorder on the other hand isn’t initiated on purpose, it usually just happens (although, the more familiar you get with it, you can learn to induce it on purpose). And it’s definitely not a good healthy feeling.

There are different kinds of dissociative disorders and all of them are hard to describe. For me, it’s depersonalisation-derealisation, so I will cover this more in-depth. Words simply cannot convey the disembodied feelings you get, e.g., you’re no longer yourself but rather watch your body act seemingly on its own. Like you can’t feel the connection of your brain ordering your arm to lift. You just observe your arm being lifted. It’s not as if somebody else has taken control; you still have control over your actions but everything feels intensely off.

In ADHD terms, dissociative disorders happen because of overstimulation; it’s a defense mechanism. Something in the brain gets disconnected from the amygdala (emotional/survival center) and other parts of the brain to prevent us from experiencing too strong negative emotions. This is a natural response in all humans to e.g. traumatic situations. Neuroscience hasn’t fully figured it out so far but we know that it detaches people from reality to protect the self. Given many (so far unknown) factors, this can even lead to a point when the traumatised personality is detached from the self, resulting in two (or more) distinct personalities in one person.

How to deal with overstimulation

Overstimulation or more exact: massive sensory overload triggers dissociation for NDs. When I’m in a crowded situation with too many external stimuli, I dissociate. These stimuli often include:

• bright, blinking lights
• loud voices/many people talking at once
• other loud noises, e.g., machines or barking dogs
• overwhelming smells

If I happen to wear uncomfortable clothes at that time which is maybe too tight or has an itching tag at the collar, all this cumulative “brain racket” is enough to trigger an episode of dissociation. But it’s not only overstimulation. Sometimes dissociation happens without any recogniseable trigger because there’s also a connection to changes in hormonal balance. Often, these disorders begin in puberty.

Luckily, it’s gotten better over the years, heavy episodes no longer occur, only mild ones. And since I recognise them for what they are, I’m no longer terrified when they happen. I’ve learned to deal with it and nowadays I shield myself from overwhelming situations with earplugs and sunglasses, and medication. When dissociation catches me unaware, I use meditative techniques and breathwork to calm my brain down and rely on the knowledge that this is just a bit of bad weather that will pass. After the clouds and rain, there will be sunshine again.

I use whatever mental image helps me get through it. I cannot change that I feel uncomfortable now but panicking won’t solve it. Accept the here and now, like Zen teaches us. Allow it to pass through you. Everything will pass, given time. As a tangible physical effect, calming your CNS gives the brain a chance to reconnect its cortices to the amygdala and its other scattered parts. This may not work for all kinds of disorders; I’m no therapist. But I feel it does help me snap out of it.

Dissociative disorder can be a very unsettling experience, especially at the first time. You may ask yourself: What if this never goes away again? And alarmingly, there are cases when the dissociative state lasts over the course of days or even weeks and months. If you experience dissociative symptoms that burden you, please see a medical specialist. Your GP and/or neurologist first, to rule out serious physical issues. Then, a psychotherapist can help you learn techniques for alleviating symptoms and for making peace with your condition.

There is also some promising research on medication. There’s some evidence that methylphenidate can help alleviate the symptoms. So if you’re already on Ritalin, Medikinet or any other brand name for it, chances are good it also helps with dissociative disorder.

If you have more current information about dissociative disorders or their treatment, I’d be delighted if you left a comment below. Spread the word: you’re not alone if you have strange, unsettling, disconnected feelings. You’re not a loony and there is help available.

Nice to meet you, Myself!

The journey of a late diagnosed adult – all parts of the blog series:

1. Disclosure – You have what?! – Harmful prejudices in society
2. Childhood – Growing up being different – Factors that influence ADHD
3. Hyperfocus – An ADHD superpower that comes with a price
4. Excitement and Connecting – The Ugly Duckling
5. Stages of Grief – making peace with what could have been
6. At the doctor’s – The first appointment wasn’t quite what I expected
7. Medication – Pros and cons and common misconceptions about meds

★ to be continued ★

additional articles related to neurodivergence,
basic everyday stuff and life hacks

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or qualified medical person. If you experience health issues, mental or physical, please get help from a professional. This website is not meant to give medical advice, just some basic information and examples about what it means to live with Autism or ADHD. Symptoms vary strongly between individuals.

My sources

When I’m writing about symptoms of neurodivergent disorders, the information comes from several sources: One of my main sources is ADXS.org, a site available in English and German. I also consult other sites, preferably with professional medical background. I usually don’t consult blogs of private persons if information can’t be verified.

Some things are my own observation and have been compared with other sources. I strive for accuracy and verified information. It’s not easy as a lot is still unknown about neurodiversity and many clichés are still being published that have been proven wrong years ago. If you stumble about somethings that you know for a fact is wrong, please get in touch by using either the comment form or the contact form.