Sorry for disappearing without warning. Real life sometimes deals you strange cards. In my case, it was spontaneous knee surgery. Nothing serious, just some trouble with the meniscus. I knew it had to be done sometime, but then I got an appointment at an unexpected early date. However, I wasn’t prepared for what came after the surgery.

The recovery takes much longer than planned because aside from dealing with the meniscus, the doctor also adjusted my kneecap which means that it’ll take still some time before I can walk stairs without pain. What I didn’t expect was how hard the anaesthesia hit me. It threw me off course for four days including brain fog and nausea. Apparently it didn’t agree at all with my brain chemistry; maybe something ADHD-related? As I see it, my hypothalamus was completely off-balance and it plays a vital part not only for regulating the whole body but is also known to be influenced by ADHD. If you have some background information about how anaesthetics and ADHD interact, please leave a comment below; I’d be thrilled to learn more.

Anyhoo, after the effects wore off, it took me two weeks to crawl out of the snail’s shell that I was hiding in. I was in a dark mental place and couldn’t quite figure out how to get back. It probably was a combination of stress, overload and imbalance. Because of all the painkillers and effects of the narcosis, I didn’t take my ADHD meds and spiraled down even deeper. Meditation helped a little but not much. I have no idea how low my dopamine levels were but they must’ve been very low. On top of that, the wound got infected; I don’t know how and why. So I also had to take antibiotics that wreaked havoc on my body. Thank God, the infection is gone.

Why am I writing all of this down? I guess because I want to convince myself that after rain there is always sunshine. I feel better now and can sit at my desk without pain while typing this. ADHD is a life-long condition, there is always a risk that depressive phases and anxiety get triggered by stress and burn-out. It’s gotten more intense over the years and the phases have gotten longer when I need to recover in my snail shell. I’m coming to accept that it’s indeed an invisible disability. Masking and compensating was so much easier when I was younger.

I don’t want this to come over as a whiny. I just want to express that if you’re affected by a neurodivergent condition too, it’s okay to feel down about that every now and then. Us ADHDers often tend to gloss it over with witty remarks and self-deprecating humour but it really, really sucks at times. Especially when it gets in the way of healing.

Art-related, there’s not much new. I do have a couple of WIPs that may make it onto the website in the coming weeks but can’t really set a schedule for them yet.

Thanks for reading and take care!
DS