Did I switch off the lights? Did I lock the door? Did I close the windows before leaving the house? Is the coffee machine still on or did I turn it off? Should I go back and make sure everything is fine? If these questions sound familiar to you, congrats, you’re a responsible human being. How does ADHD come into this? Let’s have a look at how it can change the way you perceive these questions.

With ADHD, you forget shit. A lot. And more often than not, you catch hell for it. Over time, this wreaks havoc on your self-confidence. This post is meant to expand a bit on that topic. As mentioned in the above linked post, ADHDers have an impaired working memory. Our RAM is much smaller than everbody else’s therefore we tend to forget what we were about to do a second ago. Or where our keys are that we were holding in our hand a second ago. This also includes forgetting whether we have done things that we were supposed to do.

I hear you: It’s not exclusive for ADHDers, it happens to everybody. But with ADHD, we’re talking about frequency. We’re not talking about once a week but once an hour on bad days. Even going so far that you can’t remember whether you already took your ADHD meds or not. And taking another dose to be on the safe side is not recommendable at all.

There are people with a thick skin who don’t take this personally and who can live with forgetting stuff. But for most of us, we begin to doubt our own abilities to lead an independent life. Over the years, a certain anxiety creeps into your life whenever something is really, really important. Like packing your bag for a journey, and you mustn’t forget essential stuff like ID or tickets. You feel like you can’t trust yourself organising everything competently.

Add to that our tendency to overthink everything (more about overthinking in a future blog post) and so you have thoughts about potential disasters circling in your head. Wait, if I didn’t close the windows, it might rain in. In that case, is there an electronic device that could take damage? Or a burglar could get in! In that case, what could they possibly steal? What should I tell my insurance? The thoughts go on and on, plotting what might happen and what actions to take. And our ADHD brains being what they are: They actually love plotting! They thrive on solving puzzles to the umpteenth degree, calculating all possible outcomes. In bad cases, this may even go so far that you are not able to focus on what’s going on around you because you’re so imprisoned in your own brain cinema. And even though your too-fast brain loves the complexity of the task, at the same time it’s completely wrecking your CNS by producing emotional turmoil. As if you weren’t emotionally dysregulated enough… (ADHD emotions are often off the scale.)

For many years, I’ve lived in a constant state of dysregulation without even being aware of it

1. because interoception is another of my blind spots, a typical ADHD feature.
2. because of having no comparison. You don’t know what goes on in another person’s mind so you tend to assume they think similar to you. (Though neurodivergent people often realise at a very early age that they’re wired differently.)

The bottom line: what can be done about it?

There is only one feasible way for me to keep organised and that is writing notes and to-do lists. Physical lists on paper that I must place where I can see them. Digital lists on my smartphone don’t work for me, even if I set an alarm for them. This may be different for you. Everbody needs to find out what works best for them. However, there is evidence that information gets processed and stored better when actual physical movement and tactile action is used while learning it, i.e., feel the touch of the pen on the paper and move your hand and fingers to write something down. The more sensory input you get while learning, the better.

I highly recommend this method both for taking to-do-lists as well as for anything you want to learn. Even though there are some reasons why you might not liking writing by hand, like you don’t think it’s readable or you simply don’t enjoy it, you may find small ways to practice in your everyday life.

Nice to meet you, Myself!

The journey of a late diagnosed adult – all parts of the blog series:

1. Disclosure – You have what?! – Harmful prejudices in society
2. Childhood – Growing up being different – Factors that influence ADHD
3. Hyperfocus – An ADHD superpower that comes with a price
4. Excitement and Connecting – The Ugly Duckling
5. Stages of Grief – making peace with what could have been
6. At the doctor’s – The first appointment wasn’t quite what I expected
7. Medication – Pros and cons and common misconceptions about meds

★ to be continued ★

additional articles related to neurodivergence,
basic everyday stuff and life hacks

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or qualified medical person. If you experience health issues, mental or physical, please get help from a professional. This website is not meant to give medical advice, just some basic information and examples about what it means to live with Autism or ADHD. Symptoms vary strongly between individuals.

My sources

When I’m writing about symptoms of neurodivergent disorders, the information comes from several sources: One of my main sources is ADXS.org, a site available in English and German. I also consult other sites, preferably with professional medical background. I usually don’t consult blogs of private persons if information can’t be verified.

Some things are my own observation and have been compared with other sources. I strive for accuracy and verified information. It’s not easy as a lot is still unknown about neurodiversity and many clichés are still being published that have been proven wrong years ago. If you stumble about somethings that you know for a fact is wrong, please get in touch by using either the comment form or the contact form.