Some personal observations and theories about being ill on top of a disorder. Disclaimer: these are just my experiences, results may vary per ND brain.

The last weekend surprised me with a spontaneous sinusitis. A very impressive specimen which made me felt rather crappy. Over the course of the next days that I needed to recover, I had some thoughts in my foggy brain of what it could actually mean to be sick with an ADHD brain. Were there differences to neurotypical illness?

I’m not sure whether this happens to everyone or if it’s a special feature. I often feel that when I come down with a cold, it hits me harder than other people and I need longer for recovery. This may be highly subjective but could be linked to my wonky and overly sensitive interoception,* Everything feels “louder” and more intense inside my body, e.g., I’m aware of my own heartbeat at all times. Like, really all times. This also means that I feel pain more intense like “normal” people do. Yay me, isn’t that great? When I get hit by an infection, it tends to throw me off course for many days and I feel rather whiny.

*A trait that could be described as HSP (highly sensitive person) but I hesitate to do so because this term is rather unclear and very much overused by people who flaunt their HSPness to the world as if it was some grand achievement while in reality, a lot of sensory overload and misery get neglected in the discussion. There is always a price to pay for this wonderful sensitivity and many people disavow the fact.

ADHD and immune reactions

There is clear evidence that ADHD has a profound effect on the immune system and vice versa. ADHDers are high-strung, the default setting for our nervous system is “110 %” most of the time. Our sympathetic nerve system is over-active, like we’re in fight or flight mode. This also involves the HPA axis which is responsible for the distribution of cortisol, a stress hormone. It’s a well-known medical fact that while you’re operating only on your sympathetic nerve system, your immune system gets switched off, as well as other regenerating functions. What happens is clear: with your immune system down regulated, you’re much more prone to catch the flu.

But a good point of being taken out of the job treadmill for a couple of days is that the sensory stress is reduced and once the initial flu-induced brain fog clears up, I notice how beneficial the calm is, and what it means to be relieved of the constant mental load. Because ADHDers have this special feature of overthinking, mental load is a lot heavier on us.

Random meltdown/overload rant (belongs here because it was initiated by my runny nose…)

My blocked nose which refuses to let me breathe properly led to a unpleasant chain reaction this morning. Even though it’s blocked I can still smell all kinds of stuff, i.e., our neighbor’s chimney smoke that drifted through the window. I know that can’t blame him for wanting a warm home, but at times, this heavy smell of smoke is too much for my senses. So while being assaulted by the smell, I was irritated at my blocked nose, then got dressed and became horribly aware of how cold it had become (I hate cold temperatures with all of hell’s wrath) and I had to don more clothes, but then I became aware of how tight my clothes were on my skin which can drive me over the edge if I’m already high-strung. Plus, my hair was touching my neck. On top of that I managed to do something terribly dumb: I sat on my glasses. Luckily they were only a little twisted and I could adjust them myself.

But until I succeeded, I had a blocked nose, too tight clothes, tickly hair on my neck, a smoky smell in my nostrils and crooked glasses which made me slightly dizzy. With ADHD, you feel all of this, all the fucking time, and you cannot block it. Your brain doesn’t prioritise which sensory input is irrelevant so all of them are 100 % relevant at the same time (has to do with lack of dopamine, more about this later).

What drove me over the edge was the clutter. While I was ill, I wasn’t able to tidy the kitchen as I would’ve liked to, so I admit, it looked a little chaotic. Now imagine what outside chaos does to you when you already have chaos within. Too much information, too much clutter. I felt the sensory overload coming up and totally hate when that happens. It took all of my self-regulation strategies to calm down my nervous system. After a couple of minutes, this was the point when I decided I should start taking my meds again.

I had been rather proud of myself to have gone so long without my ADHD meds. I stopped taking them when I got sick previously and didn’t want to stress my body with having to metabolise these on top of the antibioticum which I got from the doc. For nearly two weeks, I hadn’t taken my meds and felt okay. The first thing I noticed was that my mood swings were coming back. Little things started to irk me and I felt like blowing up at nothing. Of course that’s not a behaviour I can tolerate, neither for myself nor for my environment. But I chose to ignore these little signs because as mean as the downswings can be, the upswings are fabulous. I felt more creative and more lively and didn’t want to miss out on that. But of course in the end it’s all about balance.

The meds tame my temper which is a benefit for the people close to me and therefore also for myself because it reduces the potential conflicts if I don’t overreact at seemingly nothing. ADHDers cannot control their emotions the way that neurotypical people can. We mean no harm but sometimes, we explode, often caused by triggers unnoticed by others. At other times, we can be the charming heart of a party. As I said: There is always a price to pay. That’s mood swings for you. But before you ask: No, I’m not bipolar. I do have many unpleasant special ND features but luckily, this one isn’t among them.

Wow, this post is more rambling than coherent writing. My brain still isn’t working properly, supposedly because I lack oxygen (Looking at you, blocked nose). I apologise for this and hope you can still find some information in it that you didn’t have before about ADHD.

Nice to meet you, Myself!

The journey of a late diagnosed adult – all parts of the blog series:

1. Disclosure – You have what?! – Harmful prejudices in society
2. Childhood – Growing up being different – Factors that influence ADHD
3. Hyperfocus – An ADHD superpower that comes with a price
4. Excitement and Connecting – The Ugly Duckling
5. Stages of Grief – making peace with what could have been
6. At the doctor’s – The first appointment wasn’t quite what I expected
7. Medication – Pros and cons and common misconceptions about meds

★ to be continued ★

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Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or qualified medical person. If you experience health issues, mental or physical, please get help from a professional. This website is not meant to give medical advice, just some basic information and examples about what it means to live with Autism or ADHD. Symptoms vary strongly between individuals.

My sources

When I’m writing about symptoms of neurodivergent disorders, the information comes from several sources: One of my main sources is ADXS.org, a site available in English and German. I also consult other sites, preferably with professional medical background. I usually don’t consult blogs of private persons if information can’t be verified.

Some things are my own observation and have been compared with other sources. I strive for accuracy and verified information. It’s not easy as a lot is still unknown about neurodiversity and many clichés are still being published that have been proven wrong years ago. If you stumble about somethings that you know for a fact is wrong, please get in touch by using either the comment form or the contact form.