RSD is short for rejection sensitive dysphoria, one of the many special features a.k.a. symptoms of ADHD and other neurodivergent conditions. It’s actually one of the most hated symptoms because of it’s potential to kick you into depression. If you never heard of it before you might wonder what it’s about. Let’s have a look at the differences between the neurotypical (“normal”) response to criticism and the neurodivergent response.

To generalise: Most people don’t like getting criticised, no matter what their brain configuration is. To differentiate: How the criticism is received depends on some factors.

• What kind of tone does it have? “What’s this pile of crap you did!?” is often not as kindly received as a polite “May I suggest an improvement?”
  
• Is it justified? If you know for sure that your way of doing things is the correct way and the other person is wrong, then you could just ignore them. If you feel that their critique has merit, then consider heeding it.
  
• Highly subjective: Do I like the person or do I dislike them? Do I react on negative emotions and become stubborn or do I trust their opinion?

A neurotypical response to criticism may run along these lines:

“Hm, I get criticised; this doesn’t feel good at all. Somebody doubts my competence. But on the other hand, he’s a good buddy. Surely, he has my best in mind. Maybe I should listen to him.”

Or maybe:
“Ouch, that wasn’t fair. I’m doing my best and this know-it-all thinks he has the answer to everything. I refuse to listen to him and rather risk the consequences.”

The same situation, but this time for a neurodivergent person:

“Whoa, where did that come from?! I checked and double-checked and still I’m not good enough! Why am I always doing things wrong? Now he must be upset with me because I didn’t do it right.”

Note that I deliberately used exaggeration in these examples, the intention was to clearly transport the intensity of the involved emotions.

For a neurodivergent, who has by default less control over their emotions, a simple critique can trigger a strong negative reaction of self-doubt and despair. On good days, it can just make you miffed or sad. But on bad days when the chaos inside is stronger, it can send you on a spiral downwards. Especially if there are more situations in a row. Which is a vicious cycle because more chaos leads to more insecurity, more insecurity leads to more mistakes…

We just want to be part of the group

The strong emotional response is not only triggered by criticism but sometimes by smaller things. Unpredictable things that neurotypicals don’t even notice. An example? Here we go: Bob is planning a party and asks Peter who is in the same room if he’d like to come. An hour later, Dave who has ADHD learns from Peter that Peter is invited to Bob’s party. Amygdala alarm level 5 ensues = All hell breaks loose in Dave’s brain. “Why didn’t Bob invite me too? Doesn’t he like me? I thought he was my friend. Did I do something wrong?” The simple truth is that Bob was about to invite Dave but hadn’t gotten around to it yet. As Bob finally meets Dave, Bob might wonder why Dave reacts so guarded at first but then suddenly loosens up as he gets invited. Another outcome might be Dave getting anrgy and calling Bob out on not inviting Dave even though Bob was about to do just this. Needless to say, Bob feels irritated and damage was done to this friendship for apparently no reason at all.

It’s hard for us. We don’t want to be excluded from social groups but at the same time, we stand in our own way. I got into all sorts of trouble for my inadequate response and behaviour as a child. It swings both ways, for the positive emotions (“You are too much!”) as well as for the negative emotions (“You’re seeing enemies where none are.”). If I’d gotten a cent for every time somebody told me to “calm down a bit” I’d be rich by now. Meeting disapproval for my behaviour on a daily basis as a child drove me into masking which wasn’t good at all.

Us NDs can’t do anything about it. Emotional dysregulation combined with rejection sensitivity is the most debilitating and painful ADHD symptom for most of us. There are strategies that can alleviate it like mindfulness practice, and meds can also help but nothing changes the fact that we are constantly sitting on an emotional powder keg with a too short fuse.

If you recognise a rejection sensitivity in your emotional responses, this doesn’t automatically mean that you are neurodivergent. It can have different causes (e.g. childhood trauma) and can appear in neurotypicals as well. But if you have ADHD, you most likely have RS – it’s often part of the package because it is affected by the same dopamine disbalance in the brain.

Nice to meet you, Myself!

The journey of a late diagnosed adult – all parts of the blog series:

1. Disclosure – You have what?! – Harmful prejudices in society
2. Childhood – Growing up being different – Factors that influence ADHD
3. Hyperfocus – An ADHD superpower that comes with a price
4. Excitement and Connecting – The Ugly Duckling
5. Stages of Grief – making peace with what could have been

★ to be continued ★

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Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or qualified medical person. If you experience health issues, mental or physical, please get help from a professional. This website is not meant to give medical advice, just some basic information and examples about what it means to live with Autism or ADHD. Symptoms vary strongly between individuals.

My sources

When I’m writing about symptoms of neurodivergent disorders, the information comes from several sources: One of my main sources is ADXS.org, a site available in English and German. I also consult other sites, preferably with professional medical background. I usually don’t consult blogs of private persons if information can’t be verified.

Some things are my own observation and have been compared with other sources. I strive for accuracy and verified information. It’s not easy as a lot is still unknown about neurodiversity and many clichés are still being published that have been proven wrong years ago. If you stumble about somethings that you know for a fact is wrong, please get in touch by using either the comment form or the contact form.